Potions and Pageants Read online

  Of course he had not. He was a darned sentinel.

  She debated walking over to Luca’s Café right now to check up on him, but she was in such a raging fury that she didn’t think this was a good idea.

  Instead she stomped to the kitchen to find Jeeves, who beamed when he saw her, and said brightly, “And how was your first day at school? Oh how exciting. Our Percy going to a proper school at last.”

  “Fine,” muttered Percy darkly.

  “I hope you’ve worked up an appetite! I’ve made your favorite Thai fish cakes. And lamb massuman curry and rice pudding. Ooh, I do miss a good rice pudding.”

  He got the dish of rice pudding out of the oven with his bare ghostly hands and gazed at it longingly before placing it lovingly on the counter. He grated a sprinkle of nutmeg onto it.

  “I do wish you’d bring some friends home every once in a while,” he lamented. “Little Cherub used to love my rice pudding.”

  “Well, little Cherub isn’t my friend anymore so you had better get used to it,” Percy snapped.

  Jeeves, who had been paying more attention to the curry bubbling on the stovetop than to Percy, looked at her with mild alarm.

  “Bad day, was it?”

  “What do you know about the Sentinel Alliance, Jeeves?” she demanded. “How do they get away with just murdering eldritch criminals? I thought all eldritch beings were under the legal jurisdiction of the Eldritch Council?”

  “Sentinels,” he said thoughtfully, and then he shivered dramatically, his ghostly body rippling. “I never heard anything good of them when I was alive, but then again I suppose I never mixed with the sort of people who liked them.” He chuckled at this.

  “So they can’t be trusted?” said Percy heatedly. “I knew it!”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” said Jeeves unconcernedly. “Your mother wouldn’t have sentinel friends if they were that bad. They’re supposed to be very good at what they do. The problem is that what they do is hunt and kill rogue and feral eldritch beings, so some of our sort don’t really trust them, but some absolutely love them. Depends on your opinion on eldritch beings.”

  By ‘our sort’ Jeeves meant witches and wizards. He had been a wizard when he was alive.

  “Do sentinels hunt and kill dark witches and wizards too?” she asked.

  “Oh no,” he said. “Witches and wizards fall entirely within the jurisdiction of the Conclave of Magic.”

  “But I thought eldritch beings fell entirely within the jurisdiction of the Eldritch Council?”

  “They do. Unless they’ve killed a Humble, in which case the Sentinel Alliance gets involved. And if they’ve killed a witch or wizard, the Conclave of Magic gets involved.”

  “So what are the eldritch supposed to be? The lowest of the low?” she said grumpily.

  Jeeves let out a booming round of laughter. Tears of mirth poured down his cheeks.

  “I think you’ll find all the eldritch would say that they are the highest of the high. After all, angelli and succubae and incubae do have such towering egos. And vampires too,” he added. “And werewolves and—”

  “Yes, I get it,” she said. “Every species thinks that they’re the best.”

  “And what has got you in such a dither today?” he asked.

  He set a beautifully arranged little plate of fish cakes with artful cucumber slices and a delicious looking chilli sauce in front of her.

  Percy demolished all four of the fishcakes before answering. Thai fish cakes were possibly her most favorite food in the world.

  “Just a thing at school,” she muttered.

  Jeeves had a big mouth and many friends, and she didn’t want him chattering to all of the poltergeists that lived with any other witching families in the neighborhood.

  He merrily served up a big portion of rice and curry, with an enormous tender lamb shank sitting in the middle of it. Placing it in front of her, he floated down until it looked like he was sitting in the seat opposite her.

  “A thing at school? How interesting. Do tell!”

  “It’s just this stupid beauty pageant that Cherub is organizing. The first round is tomorrow, and I said I’d enter and be on my best behavior and everything.”

  She said it with venom, still feeling furious about the conversation with Octavia and Councilor Strickt, and the fact that Felix had just sat there throughout it all and not said a word.

  Her hell-parents were Humbles now as far as she knew, but that didn’t wipe out what they had been before, and if the Eldritch Council or the Sentinel Alliance or anyone found out about them… She didn’t even want to think what they would do to them.

  And she felt overwhelmed and helpless and she hated feeling that way. This must be what an oyster must feel when it got a piece of grit stuck inside, she thought. It was hard to even sit still.

  And there was no one she could talk about it to. Not Jeeves. Not even Cherub, who had her own busy little life and didn’t give a crap!

  Suddenly she got up, and dumped the rest of her main course, plate and all, smack into the bin.

  Jeeves flew up from his chair looking outraged. “What’s wrong with it?” he demanded.

  “Nothing! Nothing at all!” She snatched up the hot bowl of rice pudding and slammed it into the bin too.

  Jeeves gave a shriek of despair. “My rice pudding!” he wailed.

  “What does it matter?” she shouted. “It’s only me who was going to eat it anyway, and I’ve lost my appetite!”

  She stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her, and stomped all the way up the stairs.

  She could hear Jeeves ranting and raving in the kitchen, and the smashing of plates as he charged around in there, now in a fury.

  She knew that she was going to regret her actions later, because a miserable Jeeves meant a miserable home, but right now she simply couldn’t make herself care.

  Jeeves swooshed out of the kitchen and flew straight through her on his way up the stairs towards his attic. She flinched. An icy cold shudder washed over her.

  “And don’t you ask me ever to make you rice pudding again!” he declared, and slammed his attic door shut with such force that the walls above shook.

  The commotion must have been loud enough to be heard outside the house, because a few minutes later there came a timid knocking on Percy’s bedroom door.

  She opened it to find Mr Bramble outside, looking alarmed.

  “What do you want?” she asked in a fury.

  “Is everything well?” he asked timidly.

  “It’s fine,” she yelled. “Why wouldn’t it be? Why are you even asking? Are you planning to report it all to my mother? If she cared at all she would be here, but she isn’t, so I don’t care about her either!”

  His mouth opened in a little O, and his dark eyes looked like those of a puppy that had been kicked. They made her feel horribly guilty.

  “I’m sorry, Mr Bramble,” she said with half a sob. “I really am glad to have you home,” and then slammed the door shut in his face.

  She immediately felt awful about it, but her pride would not let her chase him down the stairs. And anyway, she would only end up upsetting him even more.

  She knew she should apologize to Jeeves too. But today had been crap. No one was apologizing to her so why should she apologize to anyone?

  Why did no one believe her?

  First Nan as good as telling her to get lost.

  Then Headmistress Glory refusing to help.

  Then Octavia and Felix and that horrid Councilor Strickt pretty much laughing at her.

  And through it all poor Lucifer bumbling through his first few days off life as a human, not realizing how much trouble was in store for him.

  It was like a trap. Why the heck had they put him in a high school of all places?

  And why did nobody care!

  She yanked open her wardrobe and dragged out every horrid outfit that she had brought over the years to wear to her mother’s parties. They were either
all black, or in lurid shades of purple or green or pink or yellow. Atrocious things that she had worn because she knew her mother would hate them.

  She was going to pick the ugliest one for the first round competition tomorrow. She would show the horrid Councilor Strickt that he couldn’t control her!

  “Raaargh!” she roared, and before she knew it she was ripping and tearing all of the outfits to shreds.

  One leather outfit was particularly stubborn, so she trapped the sleeve under her foot and yanked it so hard with both arms until it finally split with a shriek of protest down the middle.

  And when every single one was destroyed she finally flopped onto her bed in exhaustion. She was shaking. She felt like crying. She didn’t know why, but the urge was impossibly strong. And yet she refused. She absolutely refused to cry.

  Sometime later she awoke to find her bedroom dark and the house entirely quiet. She felt calmer, but in a tired depressed kind of way.

  She gathered up the shredded pile of clothes and stuffed them into a black bin bag, and then shoved the bag under her bed. She didn’t want to throw them out. She rather liked wearing them to annoy her mum. If her mum ever came home, she’d ask her to fix them. The dresses looked unsalvageable, but it never ceased to astonish Percy what a witch could do with a few waves of her wand.

  Percy didn’t want to wear any of her own pretty dresses tomorrow. Her mother always bought her such flowery confections, as if she was still a little girl. They were all in a spare bedroom since Percy had refused to keep them in hers.

  She trudged to her mother’s bedroom and into her enormous walk-in wardrobe and found a dress she didn’t mind. It was shaped more like a long tunic than a dress, and had splits down the sides, and was in dark blue with a lovely stylized pattern of birds and trees and leaves woven in gold thread.

  It wasn’t too girly, and she could pair it with dark tights. And it wouldn’t look silly to do a tap dance in it either. She carried it back into her own room, and went to bed.

  Early the next morning, Percy let herself out of the house as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb Jeeves, who she was dreading bumping into. A car surprised her by pulling up in front of her house.

  Percy thought she must be seeing things because Nanny Nora bounced out of the car and up the front steps and enveloped Percy in her arms.

  Percy rested her head on Nanny Nora’s shoulder and did her best not to cry, which was very hard to do when somebody was hugging you with such sympathy. There was a horrible lump in her throat that took three swallows before it went down.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Nanny Nora asked, as she drove Percy to school.

  “Aren’t you going to be late for work?” Percy asked in a small voice.

  “Never mind work,” said Nanny Nora. “It’s just one day. They won’t fire me for being late. They’re a nice family. Two twin toddlers. Little terrors. A delight to look after.”

  Percy sniffed a little, and wiped her nose discreetly with a tissue, hoping that Nanny Nora had not noticed. It was a little sad to hear that Nanny Nora had a new family now.

  “A witching family?” Percy asked.

  “What else?” said Nanny Nora laughingly. “One of the little twins is a Meek. The family were glad of all the experience I had with you, I tell you.”

  Percy found it an odd thought that her being a Meek was helping a stranger in this way.

  “Poor kid,” she said.

  “Nonsense!” said Nanny Nora. “I grew up in a Humble family and there were no fewer joys in life because of a lack of magic, I tell you.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do,” said Nanny Nora firmly.

  “Did Jeeves come to see you?” Percy asked.

  “Of course he did,” said Nanny Nora. “And ranted and raved for hours until he had calmed down. Did you really throw his precious rice pudding into the bin?”

  Percy nodded.

  Nanny Nora chuckled. “It had nutmeg in it, I hear. A pity. I could have done with a good rice pudding last night.”

  “Maybe Jeeves will come to live with you,” said Percy in a small voice. This was a horrible thought.

  Nanny Nora laughed. “I think he would hate it. Me all by my lonesome? That poltergeist lives for your mother’s parties. And he would never want to leave you either.”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if he did after yesterday.”

  “Oh hush. Stop your sulking, Persephone Prince. I never knew anyone who could sulk quite as determinedly as you. So, are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you or not?”

  Percy shrugged. Nanny Nora was the last person in the world she could tell her troubles too. She would be deeply disturbed by the idea of Percy’s hell-parents and would definitely be worried about Percy’s state of mind. And even if she did believe it all, what was she going to do about it?

  Nan was right. Percy had no proof, and nothing made sense without proof. Telling Nanny Nora that she had suddenly started seeing black clouds of doom was just going to be the cherry on top of a very disturbing fruitcake.

  And anyway, Percy decided, she had done what she needed to do about this whole mess and she was done with worrying about it. What happened to Nilgun and whatever Bella was up to was not Percy’s problem anymore. In fact, it never had been. It was Octavia’s problem now.

  “I was just being stupid,” Percy muttered.

  “Well, whatever it is,” said Nanny Nora, “I never knew any teenager as smart or independent or determined as you, Persephone Prince. And that is not necessarily a compliment. So you figure out whatever it is that has upset you, and you fix it! Do you hear me?”

  Percy couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “Okay,” she said.

  She had already fixed it. She had washed her hands of it and it was over.

  Suddenly she felt a thousand times better than she had when she had woken up this morning.

  As the car drew up outside of the school, the first person she saw was Octavia stalking up the driveway towards the school building as if she owned the world.

  Good, thought Percy. Let her deal with Bella from now on. Percy would just make sure Octavia stayed away from Lucy and everything would be fine.

  She hugged Nanny Nora goodbye, saying, “Don’t be a stranger.”

  “Oh you silly girl,” chided Nanny Nora. “If I came to visit you more than once a year, you’d have a palpitation and you know it!”

  She tooted her horn merrily as she drove off.

  The lessons at school that day dragged by slowly. Before lunchtime she had English, then Art, then Humble Studies with Nan and the Three Bees.

  English was one of the few lessons Percy found tolerable. The teacher, Mrs Delancey, was nice and enthusiastic and made an effort to make her classes interesting. She might have been a Humble, but she took no nonsense from any of the kids, including the eldritch ones, not that she knew what they were. This made for a pleasant teaching environment.

  During Humble Studies, Percy sat at the very back of the classroom alone and told herself she was not bothered that Nan was sitting with the Three Bees, who whispered continuously throughout the lesson about the first round of the pageant due to take place that evening.

  During the start of lunch break, Percy very nearly bumped into Felix. She turned tail and walked away, even though it looked like he wanted to talk to her. Talking to him was only going to ruin her vibe.

  That morning she had found the lunch that Jeeves had made for her for yesterday still in its Tupperware in the cooler, and had brought it with her to eat today. It was a very tasty pesto pasta that she ate in the library office, sharing it with Lucifer, who had ordered in some dim sum and sushi from a nearby restaurant for himself.

  “This,” he declared in a tone of ecstasy, “is simply the best food I have tasted outside of Hell. Although… I can’t remember what food tasted like in Hell,” he added, looking mildly perturbed at this realization.

  Percy stole two pieces of his dragon
roll and all of his seafood dumplings. They really were delicious, though she would never have guessed that seeing a Lord of Hell sampling squishy pastry bites and declaring them “Delectable” could ever be so much fun.

  Percy had been very careful to not mention the pageant to Lucifer during lunch, because she didn’t want him to come, which he might do if she reminded him the first round would be taking place that evening.

  She did not want him being blamed if anything went awry today. And anyway, he was already happily contemplating re-visiting a particular bar that evening in which he had spent most of last night in charming company, or so he claimed.

  She left lunch with Lucifer feeling happier about life. By the time lessons were finished for the day, and it was time for all the pageant contestants to gather backstage, Percy was feeling positively relaxed.

  She didn’t care about making it through the first round of the pageant and into the finale. She didn’t care about proving that Bella really was up to something. And if Bella really was going to cheat and do anything to ruin any of the other girls chances, then that would be all Bella on her own, since Percy had made darn sure that Lucifer was already gone for the evening. She had walked him out of the school gates herself.

  Percy went to the girl’s toilets to put on her blue tunic dress, and then made her way into the backstage area. Here, girls were hurrying around, some with rollers in their hair, some already in their dresses, but some in dressing gowns getting their hair and makeup done first.

  Percy sat in a corner and observed the mayhem. She liked it. It was far less boring than going home to an empty house.

  She watched Nan rushing around checking that all of the girls had everything that they needed, but didn’t bother to help. After all, Nan was the one who had wanted her to sit back and do nothing.

  When Nan suddenly veered sharply towards the backstage door, Percy saw that Octavia Smythe-Smith had entered the backstage area. Nan had a brief word with her, and then must’ve agreed to let Octavia speak to the girls, because Octavia started wondering around, chatting to everyone.